I remember going with my dad to the Honda dealer and sitting on a couple of bikes in the showroom. We left and took one of the brochures. When we got home, I put it on my wall as inspiration. I looked at the bike every day. We also went back to the Honda dealer to sit on "my new bike". We went in there so much, the guy knew our names, asked when we were picking it up, how my grades were doing, etc. Well, during the fourth grade I went from being a C & mostly D student to being an almost straight A student. I think I had two B's, but there were really close to being A's. I mean a couple of points. I did all the work plus extra credit. I wanted that bike. My Trisport had bit the dust awhile back and I hoped that this would start us back to when we used to hang out with Ron and his kids and go riding. When the final report cards came, I could hardly wait. I pulled that flyer off the wall and put it with my report card. I asked when can we get the bike. My dad said, "Uh. What bike?" "My Bike" I said pointing the flyer. I reminded him of the agreement we made. My birthday( I think my 9th or 10th) was the following month so I thought this thing was in the bag. I was totally floored when he said that he never made a promise like that.
I remember not too long after this being told that I need to start planning because when I hit 18, I would be moving out. He said it didnt matter what I was doing. I could have been in college, the military, or working, but when I was 18, I'm out the door. This started when I was 10 or 11. Thanks for making me feel so warm and fuzzy inside, dad. Are you sure I can't go sooner?
I only managed to raise the bar. Since I was capable of getting better grades, I was expected to ALWAYS get good grades. I went to so many different schools and sometimes right in the middle of the year. I was expected to do whatever it took to catch up. I began to hate school. I endured it, but now there was just one more thing. I mean the actual school work came easy enough, but what was the point? Was it for me or so the folks looked good?
Most of the time I went to public school. One year, in sixth grade I went to a private school. I did okay, but didn't fit in there either. I wasn't one of the rich kids. Interesting school though. I learned a lot about people and history. One teacher taught history and french. She lost a lot of her family in one of the concentration camps. She brought in pics. All I can really say is that the images are still very fresh in my mind over 30 years later. Another teacher taught biology and I learned a lot about her family and the actual subject. This school wasn't too bad. But then I went back to the elementary school that I had previously attended. Things were weird. People thought I thought I was better than them after this. Nothing like more problems.
Then I had to get referrals from the teachers to apply at Webb School. Even so I thought School ,why bother? But Webb was such a wonderful place. Check this out:
"Webb is a college-preparatory boarding school with a challenging curriculum, so we seek students with demonstrated academic achievement. Additionally, as an honor-bound community, we welcome students with strong character and a desire to be actively involved with peers, faculty, and staff."
Well, I got the recommendations and the grades needed, but I didn't want to go. I knew that the family couldn't afford this and I wasn't one of the yuppies who attended there. I went through written tests and I did just enough to not get in. I guess I just wasn't Webb material.
There were promises that were made and then ignored, reversed, or whatever. You just suck it up and move on. There were also things that I wanted to do. I mean there things that I daydream doing. I remember wanting to be an astronaut and a few other things. The usual stuff that boys want to do. But I really wanted to be a teacher. Those dreams were always crushed. I was always told that I was never good enough or smart enough. I'd hear that I would never amount to anything. This was an almost daily occurrence. Silly me. I thought kids were supposed to be encouraged. You may be reading the last couple of posts and wonder what happened to my mom. She was kept in the dark. Somewhere along the way, we lost touch. I was always told that she didnt call, send money, and basically didn't care. Little did I know was that calls and letters were being intercepted. She was told that I was too busy and didn't need her. So I believed the lies and just counted down the days until I hit 18. I honestly couldn't wait.
No comments:
Post a Comment