who me?

Its funny how Thanksgiving and Christmas bring back a flood of memories. Some really good. Some you would rather forget. Memories are triggered in so many different ways. Sometimes its certain smells. Baking smells. Cleaning smells. A certain perfume or shampoo. Sometimes its sounds. Holiday music. People talking. Familar voices and faces. I'm very thankful for all of my memories. Yes, even the bad ones. It helps me to remember how far I have gone in such a short time. It reminds that the past is in the past.

One clear vivid memory is of a time at Anaheim District winter camp. I had volunteered to go up, but on the way up the mountain I had second thoughts. I thought of Jen and Nick at home and thought I should be with them. The whole first day seemed to drag on and on. I just wanted it to be over. The next day started of the same. I was walking around just thinking about things. Kind of moping around. Making sure people were where they needed to be. It was really weird. In the middle of that snowy field, I suddenly felt like there was an electric blanket wrapped around my chest. It was really the weirdest sensation ever. Then it felt like someone talking to me, but it was kind of like my own voice at the same time. It went something like , "Look around. Who will take care of them? Who will teach them? Will you?" I was scared, but humbled at the same time. I know this sounds really, really crazy, but this how it happened. I talked to some people. They said, "Dude! God is calling you. You need to do it." I talked with Pastor Larry. He gave me a booklet of how to get started with bible classes. Then I started thinking. "This is crazy!  I can't do this. I've only been a Christian for a very short time. " That is when the dreams started. I kept having dreams of me being a youth pastor and DOING GOOD. I thought it was just people putting ideas in my head and I kept fighting it.
Instead, I decided to pursue a career in the medical field. Jen was working part time and somehow we had some extra money and we discussed EMT classes. I was working nights and going to school during the day. I did really, really well and thought that I had finally found my true purpose in life. My calling. Somewhere towards the end of the EMT certification class, it felt like the bottom had fallen out of everything. Things in our lives where going pretty good. My job was going good. Church was going good. I felt miserable and went through a little dark spell. I acted like everything was fine and wonderful, but it wasn't. I asked God to forgive me and that I was sorry for running away from his plan. I decided to take another look at pursuing the ministry. Didn't know what to expect or even how to get started, but I knew that God would open the right doors and He would start slowly closing the wrong ones.